Why Office Romances Can Work

Elizabeth, a reporter, and James, a bureau chief, worked together at their newspaper for a year before beginning their office relationship. Although they liked each other from the start, they were afraid that romance might damage their "friendship" and their good working relationship. Also, neither liked the idea of carrying on a romantic relationship under a magnifying glass — under the watchful eyes of their editors and fellow reporters.

Eventually, though, they couldn't resist. James asked Elizabeth for a date and the rest is history. Now married, they have two children and will soon celebrate their tenth wedding anniversary.

"In a lot of ways, the newsroom was the best place for us to get to know each other. We both saw how well we handled pressure and how fairly we dealt with other people. I admired James, and then I fell in love with him. I'm glad we finally overcame our hesitation. Otherwise, we wouldn't have the wonderful family we have today."

The couple isn't alone in their success. More than half of workplace romances end in marriage or long-term commitments. Of 391 managers and executives who responded to a February 2003 American Management Association survey, 30 percent said they had dated someone from work. Of that percentage, 44 percent said they subsequently married. In a 1998 Society for Human Resources Management survey, 55 percent of the HR professionals who responded said that marriage is the most likely outcome of the office romances they've experienced.

So why has the workplace replaced singles bars, churches and neighborhood and family gatherings as a popular place to meet? And why do more than half of office romances develop into long-term relationships?

"When you think about it, dates are really an artificial situation compared to growing and learning with someone on the job," said Gail Jern, Westaff Human Resources Manager. "At the office, you see a whole side of people that you don't see if you just go out on a date. It's a true test of character: Do they treat people nicely? How do they deal with stress? Are they responsible?"

Working shoulder to shoulder, day in and day out, can give someone the chance to answer those questions and develop a realistic sense of whether they actually like a coworker they're attracted to. It provides the opportunity to create a solid friendship before the sparks begin to fly. And just the fact of having chosen the same company, having been drawn to the same company culture, and possibly the same kind of work shows that the couple shares some interests to begin with. Once in a relationship, intimate knowledge of the same workplace can give partners more of a sense of sympathy or patience with each other as each contends with the daily grind.

Of course, there are potential pitfalls. First, there's the pain and awkwardness of breaking up with someone and still having to work together day in and day out while maintaining a professional demeanor. Handled poorly, an office romance can damage an employee's reputation and effectiveness at work and even a department's productivity. (See Side Story.)

"Sometimes, people get so involved in a relationship that they don't see the impact it's having on other employees," Jern said. "People can get very concerned about possible preferential treatment, for example, even if there isn't any."

In a worst case scenario, a soured relationship, especially if it involves a supervisor/subordinate romance, can lead to litigation in which one party claims she was pressured into the relationship. Although rare, that concern has led a few companies to ban office romances altogether, and other companies to prohibit romances between superiors and subordinates.

"A supervisor/subordinate relationship is never appropriate," Jern said. "In such a case, one of the parties should ask for a transfer, because if they don't take care of the situation, then it's very possible the company will. And if that happens, there could be some damage to the couple's reputation or to their continued employment. It's always better to take the high road and be forthright with your company."

Fortunately, for potential couples and their companies, most employees are just as eager as their employers to keep office romances from having any impact on their jobs. Very often, in fact, coworkers aren't even aware of a romance, and that's how most people like to keep it.

"Discretion is really important," Elizabeth said. "James and I decided early on to be very quiet about our relationship. It was our business — no one else's — and that's how we approached it. When we finally did decide to let our coworkers know we were a couple, people were fairly comfortable with us because we never just let it all hang out."