SURVIVING IN THE EMERALD CITY
Why are workplace bullies so compulsive about belittling others? Dr. Linda Tillman, an Atlanta psychologist and assertiveness training coach, www.speakupforyourself.com, says that a certified jerk is like the Wizard of Oz.

"The Wizard of Oz hid behind a giant, fierce mask and frightened anyone who approached him. But in fact when you pulled the curtain back, you saw that he was really just a silly little man who couldn't get back to Kansas by himself," Tillman explains.

"A bully also tends to feel like a little and insecure person on the inside. So to feel big and powerful, he or she puts on a falsely confident front and runs roughshod over everyone. He manages to cow others with his fearsomeness."

Unfortunately, jerks are often great at getting to the top of the corporate ladder and they are "very difficult to fix - they were made this way from the time they were babies," Tillman adds. In the end, he or she may get their just desserts, but it may not happen in the way we want or with the timing we want.

So, if you find yourself working with a bully, you'll need to decide whether you want to stay in your job and wait until he possibly loses his job, or bide your time until you can find another job.

Meanwhile, here's a sample of some solid techniques for joisting with a jerk at work. They're based on some of Stanford Profess or Robert Sutton's list of 12 common putdowns (which Sutton refers to as "The Dirty Dozen") and Tillman's professional, firm responses.

• PUTDOWN: The bully dishes out a personal insult. For example, "You're the slowest person on this team."

• RESPONSE: Agree with any truth contained in the statement and then get out of the way.

 "For example, you could say, ‘You're right, I am on the team'" Tillman suggests. "Then change the subject and move on. The bully is trying to make you feel little, but when you answer with just the truth it will always surprise her. She expects you to feel embarrassed or grovel, so don't give her what she wants."

• PUTDOWN: The bully invades your "personal territory" or approaches you to impose uninvited personal contact.

• RESPONSE: Stand up if you're seated or if you're already standing, then take a step towards the bully.

 "Moving into someone's physical space is a way of showing disrespect," Tillman says. "To counter it, stand up. If the bully continues to walk towards you, then step towards him and continue to walk him towards the door. Your own physical movement reclaims your personal space."

• PUTDOWN: The bully rudely interrupts you.

• RESPONSE: Firmly state, "I wasn't finished" with your voice dropping a pitch at the end.

"The bully is showing you contempt," Tillman says. "Her basic message is: ‘Why should I bother to listen? I don't care at all about what you have to say. What I have to say is more important.' When you respond, you want to make sure your voice goes down at the end of the statement. It'll make you sound more powerful. If your voice lifts at the end, it can make you sound helpless or like you're asking for permission to speak."

• PUTDOWN: The bully makes a sarcastic remark.

• RESPONSE: Request a direct statement.

 "Look him straight in the eye and tell him that if he has something to say you'd appreciate it if he'd say it directly," advises Tillman. "You can also pick out anything that may be true about the statement and agree with it, repeating it back to him." Again, speaking ‘truth to power' as the Quakers say, always throws a bully.